The Dreaded ‘D’ Word

Posted on September 16, 2013

It’s a bad day. The kind where you eat icecream for breakfast – in bed. The kind when you don’t care if you take a shower. Brush your teeth. Eat. Or anything really.

You don’t care if anyone can smell your BO or bad breath because you don’t plan on seeing anyone today.

All you want to do is curl up and sleep through it all. You don’t always know what ‘it all’ is, but you still just want to sleep until whatever it is, is over.

When the stressful period you’re going through has passed. When you’ll be free of the weight on your shoulders. When you will feel like yourself again.

You remember a time that you were happy.

I know I was ecstatic just last week, but now I can’t seem to do anything to achieve that same high- or anything close to it.

What’s wrong with me? I know my life isn’t that horrible that I should feel this depressed. I’ve tried a sweaty workout. Yoga. I’ve even tried Laughter Yoga. Confiding in friends. Hanging out with kids and happy people that love me. These things all help 95% of the time. But they’re not working this time. This time the joy in all of these tactics fades as soon as I’m alone again.

Sometimes you just have to sit patiently while the storm passes. It might be a few days. A few weeks. And a big life event has even caused a storm to last a year for me before.

I’m not giving up though. I know I can shake this. A hermitage this weekend will be my next play against this, dare I say it, depression.

I hate the stigma that comes with that word. Everyone goes through it. It’s a lot easier to figure out what makes you feel depressed and how you can get over it if you can deal with it openly.

If you feel judged about being depressed you’re probably going to feel judged about the cookoo stuff you might have to do to try and get yourself out of it. Like Laughter Yoga, or not shower for a few days. All I know is that you cannot ever accept this condition as normal or just try to suppress it. You have to keep trying new weapons to slay the beast of depression.

This song is on repeat right now. While I sit in bed. Eating icecream.

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